My day is soon to come
When I can go forth and be free
From a dull life of obeying orders
And doing things unwillingly
It's far from easy for a girl like me
To do exactly as others say
I may come off as a rebellious one
Only because I do things my way
I can no longer wait
Until that day comes
I need freedom right now
It has to be done
So I'm running away from this cruel place
Claiming itself to be "paradise"
Though I don't know of a world other than mine
I'm willing to pay the price
*based on a character from the movie, Aladdin
I really love your poem. I didn't get the allusion the first time, but after reading it a couple more times I finally got it(:
ReplyDeleteThe details in your poem really shows the allusion of Princess Jasmine. It talks about how she wants to get out off the palace they call "paradise" and go and see the real world. I also know that this applies to you by out conversation the other day about getting off this "rock."
You also talked about how she might seem rebellious just because she does things her own way. I know that this trait also applies to you.
Maybe you could include something about someone saving you from this "prison." Your very own Aladdin (;
HI JANELLE :) I too love your poem. I had a feeling your poem was going to be about Jasmine.
ReplyDeleteAs for my commentary, I think you overall have a good foundation to build your poem. Your poem is good. But I know you have the imagination and creativity to make it spectacular.
You have the details about your attitude and how you feel about life. I think you can add some details about Jasmine's physical features. Maybe her skin tone, her hair color, the length of her hair, etc. You could even talk about your attire... haha :)
Try to watch the movie Aladdin... You might discover something about Princess Jasmine. That's what I'm doing for my allusion poem too ^_^
Great Job on your poem! I can't wait to see the revision!
thanks guys!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the constructive criticism, won't let you down! I PROMISE, lol.
(: